What you truly are at the essence of your Being is Silence. This is the true I of any being, just empty Silence that rests behind the play of the body/mind.
There is not a time in which this Silence that you will be probably get caught again by the playing of the mind for a while, and in suffering that attachment, you will let it go in the same way in which a child learns not to touch the fire by putting his finger on it at least one time.
It’s like moth playing with light: you are attracted by your own light, that is the light of the Self. But that light of the Self is certain death for what you imagine to be. And this IS the conflict, this is the dilemma of the me. What you want the most is what you fear the most.
In that conflict the sense of separation is consumed and the frustration of this conflict is the fuel consuming the sense of separation itself. That frustration is the way in which Consciousness itself dissolves the sense of the me. Usually we flee from frustration. Indeed the most curious thing if you like it is that much of our spiritual life consists in finding ways, strategies, or people who can take us away from that very frustration. Because we want to feel good, and of course there is nothing wrong with wanting peace or well-being. But unless you are in a position where you are able to witness this well-being – without getting attached to this well-being – you will chase it and then you will suffer.
Indeed the Buddha himself said: even your happiness is suffering. So, paradoxically, much of our spirituality, much of spiritual research, is just a chasing prosperity, just a search for something “positive” and fleeing from something “negative”.
A true spiritual life instead plunges you in the profound truth of what you are: it allows you to witness both the shadow and the light and to see that both these are the ways in which the divine self-expresses itself and speaks to itself.
This detachment I’m talking about is a detachment that is possible through going through the fear of loss, the desire for attachment, the torment of getting lost after being found. And finally a surrender. The surrendering of all those attempts we have made to try to be well and finally being able to welcome what it is, whateverthis is: pleasure, pain, loss, victory, defeat, disappointment, enthusiasm, there is a subtle scent of joy that welcomes everything. What we call the difficulties of our lives, what we call the things that put us in crisis in our lives, are the ways through which we learn to let go of certain things. And what we call crisis in our lives, or difficulty, is the way in which consciousness is learning something about itself.
In this sense all it is already perfect, even if it is not in the way that the mind imagines it is perfection. The mind imagines that perfection arises from transforming what goes wrong into a positive, because the mind is made of this polarity, positive/ negative. The mind knows only this polarity because the mind is made of duality. Life is duality, and to go beyond this, to go beyond this duality towards the non-duality of being, it means to get out of the game of dualism, that is the identification with duality itself.
So do not pretend that the mind can stop having preferences, because the mind is made of duality, it will not stop to prefer, but you can rest in a space of witnessing the mind and not being in conflict with the mind. It is possible for the Awareness that you are to rest consciously in non-duality and from there the mind can go on in its play, even if at that point the mind itself obeys to what it precedes it, YOU. Before that time you-Awareness will identify yourself with that mental movement, believing to be the main character of its stories, so it will be the mind to govern and you will be not a master of what is happening.
This is the true meaning of becoming masters of ourselves. Resting consciously in what we really are, merely witnessing to what is happening and at the same time being aware that we are the creator of it. So, in this rediscovery you will not lose anything and you will not gain anything either. The only thing that you will lose in a sense is an idea, the idea of being at the center of those mental stories. The idea of having to solve those mental plots to be able to stay in peace. The idea of having to conquer something to stay in peace. It is a simple recognition of what is already present, of what you are.
Shakti Caterina Maggi